03/15/2017 Do you long for a loving and authentic relationship with an intimate partner?Who doesn't want that...!
11 things you can do today to start building an authentic relationship with yourself and your partner!
Do you want an authentic relationship and wonder why everyone else appears to be in one but not you. The truth of the matter is, if you keep finding yourself in a relationship that is NOT true and authentic, ask yourself 'What is in me that is not true and authentic?' Sounds pretty simple, but....you 'don't know what you don't know'. You can only be as true and authentic as you can be for the 'here and now'. Things change, and people grow and evolve, and as this happens, what is true and authentic to you today may not be tomorrow. An example of this could be your perception of healthy eating. Up until three years ago, I believed I had a healthy diet. As my knowledge around food and nutrition grew, my perception of healthy eating changed; I now know my diet three years ago wasn't healthy.
When it comes to authenticity and wanting that in your relationship, firstly, you have to be authentic within yourself for what is true for you at the time. 'Like does attract like', and when you are in a place of inauthenticity, you will attract another like-minded person and your relationship will be built on illusions, pretence, falseness, and as a result, distrust and fear will appear in the relationship. We honestly do know when someone is holding something back or not being honest; this DOES impact on how we respond and feel about that person; vice versa.
What causes a person to be inauthentic?Many reasons can cause a person to be inauthentic, but in a 'nutshell', they want to be accepted, liked/loved and to get something from another person, for example, they want a relationship with a certain person. The problem with inauthenticity is: the inauthentic person is not being their true self and they can only keep up the pretence for a certain period of time, and as a result, his/her behaviour will start to change and 'cracks' will appear in the relationship; honeymoon period is over!
You may be the one who is trying to 'fit in' and be accepted by your partner and you're ignoring all those irritating traits that she/he has; believe me, those traits do not go away when the honeymoon period is over and the chemical hormone rush slows down - they get worse! Before you know it, you have ended yet another 'mini' relationship and you're considering moving on to the next relationship without reflecting on your part in the relationship breakdown. How emotionally draining and time consuming this behavioural pattern is.
So, how can you become more authentic and be in an authentic relationship?
- If you want an authentic relationship, you HAVE to be authentic with yourself (for what you know is true at the time).
- You need to know, and state, what your boundaries are; what you are willing to accept and not accept in a relationship.
- Don't accept or settle for anything less; you're worthwhile!
- Learn to listen to your body. Your body has an emotional intelligence all of its own and it will tell you everything you need to know. We have a habit of living in our brains and have detached ourself from our bodies; listen to the body's communication.
- When something, or someone, has triggered a feeling within you (positive or negative), sit with that triggered feeling, identify where the feeling is in your body, do not judge the feeling or make it wrong (if you feel sad, feel sad...sit with it. If you have tightness in your chest, sit with it).
- Ask your feeling 'what are you trying to tell me?' An example might be, you are going on your 3rd date with a person and you feel some tension in your stomach. Is your body telling you something? Are you excited about the date and have butterflies? Or, are you anxious because, 'deep down', you don't want to go and you are not attracted to the person?
- Do not judge your feelings. Send your feelings love and thank them for showing up and guiding the way. If your feelings hurts, love it! The hurt and pain wants to be loved, not pushed away or made to feel wrong.
- Listening to your feelings is one thing, you then need to act on them. Try to come more and more from a space of doing things that you truely want to do. Listen to your body's messages and 'do it'! You are are therefore moving more and more into authenticity with yourself and others.
- Speak your truth with love and respect. If something is upsetting you, concerning you, or you are excited about something, share your thoughts and feelings with your partner. The more you start living in your authentic self, the more this will ripple out to those around you.
- Be prepared to lose some of your relationships and connections. Those people in your life who are not coming from a true and authentic place will no longer resonate with you; you will be attracting more like minded people into your life.
- How authentic is your current relationship? Do you believe that you feel 'totally at ease' with your partner and can be yourself 100%? Do you feel this is reciprocated in your relationship? If not, why not? I know how hard and draining it is pretending to 'keep others happy' when all you're doing is compromising your own sense of self; it leads to resentments and who wants that in their life? What can you do today to start living and being your authentic self?
I am a Professional Relationship Coach & Social Worker with over 19 years' experience working with families. I specialise in working with Singles, Couples, families, and Stepfamilies. I am passionate about supporting people to find their ideal partner. You will be the chooser of your relationshi…